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     Sunday, October 03, 2004

    rant.mivox - essays in idleness
    rant.mivox - essays in idleness: "I recognize the pattern of behavior that led to every really hurtful thing he's ever done... and I see that he's still doing it.
    And not only is he still doing it, but he's started rationalizing it rather than acknowledging what he's doing. I mean, he's been doing the same thing since before I met him, but up to a certain point in time, he still felt remorse when he did it. Sorry may not mean much when the offense keeps getting repeated, but saying, 'I did nothing wrong,' when you know otherwise is a whole different ballgame... and it's not a game I care to play.
    I see no reason to let my feelings be held hostage by the situation anymore. I have come to accept that for whatever reason, he is not ready or willing to work on that issue, and it is so central to the situation that as long as he's not dealing with it, a relationship could never happen on the level I want it to.
    So, what is this pattern you may ask? It's actually very simple. If he is in a situation where he is faced with an uncomfortable confrontation, and there is any way for him to avoid or postpone it, he will.
    If that avoidance necessitates lying, even knowing his lie will cause much more pain in the end than honesty would, he will lie.
    If that avoidance necessitates not saying anything, even knowing his silence will hurt someone or cause a huge misunderstanding, he will keep silent.
    If that avoidance necessitates going along with someone's wishes when he really doesn't want to, even knowing that his compliance will cause everyone greater pain in the future, he will go along with them."

    Strangely familiar to be reading this shit...

    Posted at 11:39 PM #

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